Still Searching

Aching all over, crumbling into dust,
To which I must return, but that I cannot touch.
Forcing myself to listen to what I don’t want to hear,
Because what I want to play is prohibited here.
I can’t look at Your cross, Lord, because I too carry one on my shoulders.
Made of that same desire to know You.

Possessions hidden away, in a box unlocked but forbidden,
My faith can’t reach the light or it’ll be burned away.
Books on the floor unread, prayers unsaid in my head.
Because I can’t beg to differ,
I can hear Your voice, my Lord.
But now I must turn away.

I seem to pass Your houses every day,
Always turning my head to read the signs on Your doors,
A love unfulfilled, never progressed, in life in death,
Because I don’t want to go back.
I miss you more than ever, Lord Jesus Christ,
Why must I hide when I feel your gaze?

Every day my soul plays pretend because I can’t confront
Your message, Messiah, to come with you.
You’re listening, ever watching me disown you day by day,
Because one day the time will be right.
Forgive me my failures, Lord,
You’ll overcome my fright.

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